I know how to be alone. It’s not always my desire or first choice. But I know it so well… because I don’t sacrifice self authenticity + staying true, to fit in or be a part of the masses. For better and for worse this has made me a strong but sometimes solitary woman… Which means very few people know my innermost being and who I actually am when unleashed in light, when I dare, in that quiet but earth quaking, air vibrating, water rippling and fire flaming way I have – when I am me as I was created and meant.
He touched me and breathed me in, in a way last night that no man has touched me in this way, as delicately and as and simply sacredly, before. And he did it without his body being near mine. Thousands of miles apart and via this medium we now call the internet he wrote me in the early hours of the new day telling it as he sees it, seeing me as I am today, always was and will be. “You’re a muse in your own right”, he wrote, in the effortless sweetness that only truth can hold, “From what I know you are truly you. Only in a thousand true moons we meet someone with a pure soul. You are one”. Earlier the day before I’d shared an old poem I wrote about following one’s flow and not seeking validation… Ironically, this may have been my subconscious’ way of chanting for just that – being seen. Because the words he spoke to me 12 hours ago seemed to fill a chamber deep inside me that has long desired being found, seen, heard. His way of words, as I go through our past messages…. “Good evening Miss Linder”, remind me of his eyes, that mischief he uses to try hide the deep wisdom of his spirit, so calming, familiar to me yet… There is pain in him. I want to kiss his dark corners into light. Not to leave his dark behind, just to love it, accept it, be at peace with it. He needs to know how beautiful he is. The divine masculine in its raw balanced strength.
He reminds me of a valuable lesson. To not let just anyone in is a pillar of strength I can hold on to because the great reward of knowing myself and being recognized as who I truly am, by a select few only, is the most important gift I experience… In connections, in friendships, in sacred sisterhood or sacred love and sex with men, in soulful partnerships of all kinds, quality over quantity will always be my motto. When you KNOW yourself… FULLY… You can never in good conscience sell yourself short or overshare yourself again.
I feel alike myself today. And this… This is a feeling that I commit to sustaining for a lifetime of truth telling, art creating, light spreading, and love making in all ways in may be.
14 May 2019 — to be continued