en inte längre flickas alkemi

de börjar i nacken,
occipitala nerven
kristallrys som
uti hela mej
itu, hela mej

önskar nästan
ja va tio
kunde backa tre steg
tills innan jag visste
innan jag kände
de ja känner nu
men ja e inte tio
och de säger ja ska
va vuxen
och jag önskar det inte
tillräckligt mycket
för att släppa denna
min kärnas eld

det blir hazy
makear inge sense
hejdå intelligens
elektrisk frekvens
inge gräns
rubbar min existens
under the influence
turbulent transcendens
snart abstinens
det e så det känns

jag e kvar
i tonårens dekadens


Heartbreak flashback

What followed the end of him and me wasn’t quite what I thought…

I didn’t slam my fists against the ground

Didn’t put up a raging fight

There was a deep inner process of realising it wasn’t about him anymore

It was about me

Owning the experience

Owning the glorious experience of rediscovering myself after seemingly having lost myself;

Letting back in, the energy previously invested in another person’s heart



Complete emptiness

Having let go of all expectations

Not clinging on any further

As to feel completely fulfilled

The simple image of a father holding his baby girls’ hand would enclose my heart in loving gratitude so real and pure; last felt in my childhood…

To break up with people, places or ideas can brilliantly dignify you

You prove your strength, core and purity

You learn the beauty or terror of you; weakness and chaos

You realise all you can truly trust is your own heart

So my love… I hope you know it.

In a room full of people, a teacher once asked us ironically:

“I mean, who ever loved having their heart broken?”. Me and one other guy put up our hands.

755835Processed with VSCO with g3 preset

Spring 2015

My heart aches as it tries to wrap itself around it all; all the moments of magic shared with beautiful strangers never met again, how it felt right then beating, how it intensified with a glorious sip of coffee and skipped a beat sensing a soul sister smile, riding tightly knit, rebelliously together on a bike across the rice fields and glimpses of a boundless blue Indian Ocean calling us home.Because what do you do with moments so deeply engraved in your soul, so infinitely containing everything that you came here to witness and create? It’s almost too much. It’s almost too much to handle. Too much for this little heart of mine to carry. And somewhere, it breaks. It breaks in tiny cracks all around it, gradually, perpetually, when it is time again. Months later. But you know, as our dear friend Leonard Cohen also witnessed, to break and to be broken is to let the light in. Let the light in as you hold tight the darkness still, thanking it for what it taught you.













No rust will claim our love

When the music sounds like the lights flashing by
The smell of his hair is a new kinda home

The sky’s never ending lightness is; because it can

And we are – actually – here,

Present for life.
Life in synch, you feel yourself thru every moving second, 

Because your soul remembers this from the dream state – now it’s awakening 

Into reality 

And therefore all synchronicity is, is presence given to flow

Given to your true spirits calling

And you are awake.

Presence is synchronicity.

May the first

To open up this wonderful new space of Zouldust, I am letting myself receive support. Something previously very difficult for me.

Since about 2013 up to this point, I realise my life has been about me going inward. Discovering, what it means to be me.
Daring to start the overwhelming process of getting rid of what I don’t want to carry with me anymore, and simultaneously trying to keep a soft and open heart in all this midst of change.
I say starting, as it’s an infinite process. In certain phases you delve deeper into your internal space, and this lets you – if you managed to handle this diving session okay – emerge stronger and more in touch with the world once you resurface. For me, I felt I was forced out of my internal space too quickly and have been trying to find ways to stay grounded since. In retrospect, this was exactly the lesson: I cannot control what waves hit me when, or how far apart. I can only roll with them and try to stay humble and true, through it.

A lady I used to avidly follow back when I actually read blogs, said some wise words for her 2016. For me, I feel like this year is properly starting with the birth of this portal, so I will humbly borrow her kind and unapologetic words:

via new romantics – watermeloncrush.com

Appreciate the little things, and celebrate the wins
Stop doubting yourself, but always do your best work
Drink less coffee, mediate everyday
Make the most of where you live
Break the rules, ask for forgiveness rather than permission

Thank you.

Neffiés, France

My beautiful “aunty” lives here now. She is giving herself and her guests an amazing stay in this area.