My heart aches as it tries to wrap itself around it all; all the moments of magic shared with beautiful strangers never met again, how it felt right then beating, how it intensified with a glorious sip of coffee and skipped a beat sensing a soul sister smile, riding tightly knit, rebelliously together on a bike across the rice fields and glimpses of a boundless blue Indian Ocean calling us home.Because what do you do with moments so deeply engraved in your soul, so infinitely containing everything that you came here to witness and create? It’s almost too much. It’s almost too much to handle. Too much for this little heart of mine to carry. And somewhere, it breaks. It breaks in tiny cracks all around it, gradually, perpetually, when it is time again. Months later. But you know, as our dear friend Leonard Cohen also witnessed, to break and to be broken is to let the light in. Let the light in as you hold tight the darkness still, thanking it for what it taught you.
When the music sounds like the lights flashing by
The smell of his hair is a new kinda home
The sky’s never ending lightness is; because it can
And we are – actually – here,
Present for life.
Life in synch, you feel yourself thru every moving second,
Because your soul remembers this from the dream state – now it’s awakening
And therefore all synchronicity is, is presence given to flow
Given to your true spirits calling
And you are awake.
Presence is synchronicity.
Love. I am immersed in it. The bond, the other being, the experience, the thoughts. The world. I am in love with the universe, my world, and his. So avidly and deeply so I need the reminder of letting go. Retrieving myself after immersion so I can feel the experience with more clarity and self connection next time I dive in.
With him it’s easy, because he understands me on these deeper levels. I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful this is. How beautiful he is. I feel as if with this knowledge about ourselves and the world that we already – two such young hearts – have, and with our self awareness, wisdom and love… We can do anything. We have between us the bond to outlast time.
In him I see grateful presence in its pure brilliance. Just being here. Here, you + I + breaths on this Earth, fumbling through and opening up to the fullness of it.
He is my best friend, challenger and lover.
To open up this wonderful new space of Zouldust, I am letting myself receive support. Something previously very difficult for me.
Since about 2013 up to this point, I realise my life has been about me going inward. Discovering, what it means to be me.
Daring to start the overwhelming process of getting rid of what I don’t want to carry with me anymore, and simultaneously trying to keep a soft and open heart in all this midst of change.
I say starting, as it’s an infinite process. In certain phases you delve deeper into your internal space, and this lets you – if you managed to handle this diving session okay – emerge stronger and more in touch with the world once you resurface. For me, I felt I was forced out of my internal space too quickly and have been trying to find ways to stay grounded since. In retrospect, this was exactly the lesson: I cannot control what waves hit me when, or how far apart. I can only roll with them and try to stay humble and true, through it.
A lady I used to avidly follow back when I actually read blogs, said some wise words for her 2016. For me, I feel like this year is properly starting with the birth of this portal, so I will humbly borrow her kind and unapologetic words:
Appreciate the little things, and celebrate the wins
Stop doubting yourself, but always do your best work
Drink less coffee, mediate everyday
Make the most of where you live
Break the rules, ask for forgiveness rather than permission
My beautiful “aunty” lives here now. She is giving herself and her guests an amazing stay in this area.